By SAWYER WEBB
The Famous River Wonder Dog
FOR ALMOST five years now, I have allowed Willis Webb to live with me and my wonderful, sweet mistress, Julie Webb.
Sometimes, though, I have to take over the computer keyboard to set the record straight and, ahem, put him in his place. You see, each night I use “Master” Willis’s foot as a pillow in the bed Mistress Julie and I allow the Master to use. That tells you that the term “master” is just an honorary title we allow him to wear just so he feels good. However, “master” is like a collar and we all know about collars. They can be attached to leashes.
For the record, Master Willis calls me PPP (The Perfect Precious Puppy) and feeds me two gourmet meals every day. I require that he cater only top of the line foods, prepared for the discerning dog’s taste. And, boy, am I discerning — sliced beef in a stunning sauce, smoked barbecue chicken and roast duck just to name a few. Eat your hearts out.
THE TOPPING for these top of the line upper crust canine cuisines is always something Mistress Julie and I expect Master to prepare — succulent baked or grilled chicken, tasty grilled tilapia or salmon with exotic herbs and spices or oven roasted USDA Grade A prime beef ... you get the idea. If I’m in a hurry to get in a quick run up and down the fence line putting sheer terror in joggers, bicyclers, motor bikers and, yes, even though it might be considered bragging...big farm equipment, I will allow Master Willis to feed me turkey sandwich meat. However, it must be deli turkey, sliced to a precise “15” thickness. None of this packaged, processed “sandwich meat.” Ick!
ONCE A month or so, I insist on a few days with some of my upper crust, purebred dog friends at a resort (I’m a Portugese Water Dog). Almost Home Pet Resort is run by two super nice guys, Jay and David. When I check in though, they bring in Chris, a dog party specialist, who helps me plan entertainment for my friends. Special staffing for a special and selective dog.
Occasionally, Mistress Julie and I live dangerously and ask Master Willis to chauffeur us about the Central Texas countryside. You see, I get motion sickness when riding in a car, er, uh, limo, so the Master provides me with pharmaceutical assistance because he hates to clean up when I get rushed into riding in my special transport. Not to mention what it does to his wardrobe. I tell him Lee jeans launder nicely.
Since I am sartorially splendid with real hair, not fur like those, ugh, commoner canines, I require regular special treatment at a grooming spa, where the proprietress and preeminent stylist — Mistress Jamie — pampers me for half a day.
And, one thing I don’t understand, is why Master Willis gets so upset when we get home from Mistress Jamie’s and I insist on my daily wallow on the front lawn. Something about, “all that money and shampoo...”
OCCASIONALLY, Master Willis appreciates some of my more sterling qualities. One out of town trip required an overnight stay in a hotel, Master and I went out for my nightly outing before bedtime. We got on the elevator to go up to the room and this gorgeous young woman got on with us. She immediately began raving about “your absolutely adorable dog” to the Master, who was beaming like a night hunter’s flashlight. When we got to our room, he told Mom I was chick magnet.
I think he meant well, Mom.
Sawyer, The Famous River Wonder Dog, lives in his famed river house, Writers Roost. Sawyer and Mistress Julie encourage and assist Willis Webb in producing a weekly newspaper column. Sawyer says Willis Webb professes to be a retired community newspaper editor-publisher of more than 50 years experience. Sawyer can be reached by email at email@example.com. Master Willis can be reached there as well.