At first I blamed my frustrations on how much it costs to throw a party. I started thinking about all the future parties for my son and how much it was going to cost.
After the party was over I was exhausted. A couple of family members came to the house after the party and I told them I had to excuse myself because I had to go to work in a couple of hours. While I was sleeping they cleaned the entire kitchen. I awoke to a clean house. I was very grateful.
Even though they cleaned the kitchen and I got off work on time, I went to bed stressed. I had to be honest with myself. My stress is about the future. It is very hard taking care of my mother and my son. Not to mention I am trying to be a good wife also.
I want my mom to live as long as possible. I know that I am going to regret having these feelings of stress. I know that I am lucky to pay my mom back and take care of her.
I DECIDED to share my feelings of being overwhelmed because I think others feel the same way I do but don’t know what to do about it. I wish I had all the answers for everyone but I don’t.
Having good support systems helps. Talking with friends or family helps. Sharing your stories with others who have been in the same situation can help to. I think each person has to deal with stress in their own way also.
I know it is natural for me to be stressed. Sometimes I just like to be by myself and cry. Sometimes a good shopping trip can lift my spirits. The trick is, I make time to do the things I have to do to take some of my stress away.
However no matter what I do, I feel like I have a big lump in my throat. My fears are always with me. My fears are on two completely different spectrums. What am I going to do if something happens to my mother? How am I going to handle taking care of my mom a year from now, two years, 10 years?
I HAVE family members tell me all the time how great a job I am doing. While I appreciate the praise, it doesn’t make me feel any better. Sometimes complete strangers will come up to me and my family and tell me how nice it is that I take care of my mother.
I do enjoy taking care of my mother. There a lot of great times and she is happy. I take the time to relish the great moments that I want to remember forever.
I just wish I could get rid of the lump in my throat. I don’t think that is possible.
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You may reach MaLu Bradford Beyonce at email@example.com