The Dreaded Aisle
by MALU BRADFORD BEYONCE
Aug 06, 2014 | 978 views | 0 0 comments | 18 18 recommendations | email to a friend | print
I hate buying laxatives. The other day my mom was having tummy troubles and all I needed was laxatives. I know it shouldn’t matter but as I headed to the store, I thought about what can else could I buy to go along with the laxatives.

I thought about buying some cookies but then I thought that looked weird. I guess it is living in a small town that causes me hesitation. As I placed my laxatives on the counter, I wanted to say something, anything that would cut some of the tension. I had nothing. We just stood there in silence. It was very uncomfortable, for me at least.

I wonder what people at the checkout think when they ring up our items. I think I will ask next time I go to the store. In my mind of course they are chuckling. I wonder if they think things like, “Ha, I guess she is constipated.”

I will admit I have sent my husband to go get me woman products before. He hated it. I pouted and told him to grow up and go get it. I won’t ever do that again.

When I asked him what he felt like when he had to go down the dreaded feminine aisle, the first word out of his mouth was embarrassed. He had the same thoughts in his head also why he checked out - I wonder what this lady is thinking. He later told me that he was glad it was a woman because he felt like he would have to say something if it was a man checking it out.

I imagine it would go something like this.

“Yeah, this sucks,” my husband would say, “but you have to keep the wife happy.” I then imagine the store worker laughing and saying, “Yeah, bro. I feel you but that is why I am never getting married.”

Then my husband would say, “Yeah, wish I had known this was part of the deal.”

Of course this is my imagination at work but I can see this interchange happening.

The worst part is, I used to have the same issue when I was younger. I hated the feminine products aisle. I would only get them at Walmart in Mt. Pleasant because I figured I would have a better chance of not being seen buying them. I would hide the items, deep below everything else in the basket.

I have gotten better with age. I still try to buy them at Walmart but I don’t bury them. I also don’t circle the aisle three or four times first to make sure there are no males in sight.

I don’t know why I ever sent my husband to go down the feminine aisle in the first place. That was cruel. I won’t do it again unless he makes me mad and I think that might be just the right punishment for him.

I imagine it like this. The next time he forgets to put the toilet seat down and I fall in, I will use this tactic.

“Well honey, I fell in the toilet again because you forgot to put the lid down,” I will say. “Now since I have to clean up, go to the store and get me a big box of feminine pads.”

I am joking - kinda. Ladies why don’t you try this. If this keeps your husband from leaving the toilet seat up, let me know. However, for now I plan to stop sending my husband to get me girly things.

© 2014, MaLu Bradford Beyonce,

All Rights Reserved.

You may reach MaLu Bradford Beyonce at malubeyonce@gmail.com
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